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Friday, March 26, 2010

Another pillow bites the dust

OhDearAbby,
I have a question for you. I have a cthulhu fetish, but try as I might, I can't seem to grow tentacles! My mate is very disappointed in this lack, as she's into the prehensile qualities of tentacles, what should I do?
Sincerely,
Squid-less near Seattle

Dear Squid-Boy,
Grow something more commonly referred to as "balls" and figure out whose fetish this really is. Are you the one upset about this squiggly-less-ness or is it your fantasy hentai girlfriend who is disappointed by your mere humanity? After all, not being able to grow tentacles on command is a common human problem (yeah, where's your science on that, people?!?), but being in love with a girlfriend pillow who is so demanding of you that you can't ever win isn't. Time to ditch the confusion and just start humping your comforter instead. I mean, doesn't the mere idea of a fantasy object with the word "comfort" in it sound like a better idea?
Regards,
Abby

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