Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Year the World Ends

So, this is the year the world ends, right?  Here is some appropriate tuneage for your reading accompaniment.

I envision my Christmas this year to look something like this:  

The view from my window will probably look like this, too:

While you may scoff at the idea of zombies overrunning the world this December, let's just assume for a minute that I am right and you are wrong.  What IF the zombies do rise?  What if we all get malware installed on our smartphones somehow and it electrocutes us in such a specific way that our brainwaves are suddenly controlled by evil overlords and we become little more than zombies?  Or what if a virus from computers learns how to jump to human hosts?  Or what if an actual virus learned how to travel through phone and electricity wires and infected the world with a deadly contagion? 

Hey, it could happen.  In my mind any of those scenarios are highly improbably, but not impossible.  I figure if the TV show Bones can make a computer virus that can be uploaded when a supercomputer scans a set of bones, nothing is too impossible for the average media-steeped brain these days.  (And yes, I have been watching a lot of Doctor Who lately.)

So, assuming that I am right and the zombies do rise somehow, I really need to prepare and so do you.  Because what if I am right?!?  

I started running 4 times a week again, all on the beach so that my knees don't hate me.  This is the start of my plan, for as Zombieland pointed out, the number one thing you can do to get ready for the zombies is to do cardio.  A friend gave me a tip about this awesome mid-foot stride technique that has really sped me up, too.  Score! 

Then there is the obvious stockpiling that needs to happen. Dried goods and water will have to be gathered come November, which means I will have to skip buying gifts for all my friends and family.  (The kidlet will get a machete, though.  Don't worry, she'll be 3 by then.) This also means stockpiling seeds and actually learning how to garden a huge crop of food in a small space... come to think of it, I may need a horse or a cow for some manure at some point.  So add that to the list.

The gun training... eh, I'm still on the fence about this one.  I don't like guns in general, but if a hoarde was running at me I'd probably wish like hell that I had one.   After all my Walking Dead viewing I'm thinking a crossbow is more my style, though.  It's re-loadable, after all, and I don't want to be totally reliant on disposable ammo.  

I think the whole family will be due for some martial arts training for sure and hopefully we can all learn how to use a sword pretty well in those classes since the only other option is whaling on some watermelons in the backyard to train.
The thing I am looking forward to least is the zombie fortification process, since Andrew is not terribly handy, nor am I. Basic stuff like nailing 2x4s across the windows should be easy enough, but how do you explain to a contractor that you want your skylight cemented over  and a 15-foot-high wall with no doors erected around your back yard without sounding like a loon? 

Now, I know you're probably thinking to yourself, "Wow, Abby really has put a lot of thought into this.  Why would you waste all year trying to prepare for something that probably won't happen?"  The answer is simple: everyone chooses what they believe in life.  Whether a person believes in zombies or Jesus (who, you could argue, was the most famous zombie of all time) or spacemen or even just in themselves, everyone chooses different things to believe in and that choice is precisely what makes us human.  We get to choose from billions of options in order to make our lives the lives we want to live.  So while I may find meaning or significance in the upcoming zombie apocalypse, others may find it in their quest to outlaw abortion or promote gay marriage or even in throwing paint on people wearing fur.  And the people I get along with best in the world are the ones who understand one important fact:
Just because we do not believe the same things, that does not give us justification to treat one another poorly.  We are all human.  We all have feelings.  And no one likes to be attacked for their beliefs.

It is my goal in life to be a kind, loving person who enriches the life of those around me whether it be through a causal encounter at the grocery store or an in-depth conversation about the afterlife.  I stumble, like everyone does, and sometimes let my temper get the better of me.  But I always try to remember my ultimate goal and know that the only time I know I am able to fulfill this goal is right here, right now. And when I remember this, I also remember to act kindly toward the people I disagree with because their perception of reality is allowed to be different than mine.  In the end, none of us truly knows what will happen to the world, after all.

Which is probably good, since it's clearly going to be full of a lot of screaming and zombie flesh-shredding noises. 

1 comment:

  1. I <3 you and shall help you build a zombie fort :)