After watching last week's episode of Tosh.0 I was inspired to create my own little hate rant (See here for reference.) Rather than gumming up the works on youtube with a video no one will see, I've decided to do an "I hate list" here. Just because I can.
1) I hate it when chicks think they're too good to sit on the damned toilet seat. It's called a paper cover, ladies - sit your ass down on one and stop spraying down the seat for the rest of us.
2) I hate when people try to merge on the freeway while they're going 45 mph. I especially hate getting stuck behind those douchenozzles.
3) I hate when people stare at a sign and then ask me the question that the sign answers.
4) I hate when I get stuck in an elevator with someone who's eating Funyons. Almost as much as I hate getting stuck there next to someone wearing Axe body spray.
5) I hate that my parents both forward me every Republican propaganda email they every receive. I also really, really hate that they think the term "Mexican" is synonymous with "illegal immigrant."
6) I hate that my genetics didn't predispose me to losing all the baby weight within the first couple months of having my daughter.
7) I hate when people say "LOL!" or "WTF?" out loud. Or, even worse, when they say, "I heart this song!" Internet typing shortcuts are not actual words, people, and you sound like a lazy retard when you try to talk like that.
8) I hate that no one wants to pay me just to stay home with my baby.
9) I hate when people throw up the "metal" horns and stick their tongue out, mistakenly thinking that it makes them look more hardcore.
10) I hate when my boyfriend leaves his dirty clothes on the bathroom sink instead of throwing them in the laundry hamper that is 2 feet away from the counter.
11) I hate when my teeth get that scuzzy feeling and I don't have a toothbrush around.
12) I hate when fat chicks say that they're single because they're "too picky." You are lying and we all know it - why not just not comment on it at all?
13) I hate when people I didn't like or even talk to in high school try to "friend" me on facebook without explanation. If I didn't like you then, chances are I'm not going to have changed my mind in my 10 years of not talking to you.
14) I hate when skinny people complain about how "hard it is to lose the last 10 pounds." Or when they complain about how "big" all their clothes suddenly are. Thanks for gloating, asshole, now I feel like a whale.